I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
