You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
