I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
