The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
