So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
