Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
