Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
