I cannot find my penis.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
