I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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