There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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