we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize