Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
