This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize