Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
