walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
