a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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