I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
