I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
