I hate your face
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
