Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
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