i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
