somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
