No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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