They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
