M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize