His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
