forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
