Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I didn't notice because vodka
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
