idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
