I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
