If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
