:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
