Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
plz talk dirty to me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
