Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
