I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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