Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
