theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
