He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
