i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
