The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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