oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
