my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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