My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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