so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
