Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
