dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
