jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
high people should be assigned attendants
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
