I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
