Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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