i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
