i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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