He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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