when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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