I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
