You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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