positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize