butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
