Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
