you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
