you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
