i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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