You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
