Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My feet surprised me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
