Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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