It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
