Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
