My first STD was from a foam party
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize