I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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