Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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