Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
